"I'm feeling lost in love but do I really wanna be found?"
-Tje Austin
Without you I'm lost.
But with you, I still can't find that path.
It's that feeling again. The find of feeling that is expressed in songs. Where it can be changed, but you're the only one who can control it. It's hard. Thoughts dominate & it just feels like there is a hole that is impossible to mend. Is it jealousy? Or just selfishness? The search for myself is still in process. How do I think I found you, when I haven't even found myself yet? In my heart I know that I can't get away from you. I don't want a come and go kinda of thing. Once I got you, I have you forever. No one else's. As selfish as I sound, that's just how it's gonna be. Yet, I don't think its possible. It doesn't seem possible? I'm so confused. How could a mind so young be in such deep thought? Like my mommy always tells me, "A kid is always trying to act mature and be like an adult. But adults are always wishing they are still kid, where life is simple with no worries. Where everything is taken care of, and all you have to do is play along." My mom would say that over and over. To any problem I have, that can apply to it. When I think about it, how come I'm not proving that theory? Why not drop everything and move on? I'm still a kid? According to her, I should just drift through life... I'm making things way more complicated than they are. I worry about the smallest things. I believe every superstitious thing out there and attempt to fix my wrongs. Making rights isn't as easy as it seems. Should I forget about it? I mean, if I don't, I just go through this over and over. Like life put on replay. Just not as positive as it sounds. There are things I know I should have said, yet I don't. And here I am complaining about something that's my own fault. Bleh, I don't even think i make any sense. So Im'a stfu now before I spill something that shouldn't be said. Things are better off not told?
