I noticed I mess things up a lot & I'm sorry. I can never get things right. I absolutely hate making decisions. Because that's right where I make the mistake and screw everything over. I follow along with things that I know I shouldn't. But if i don't, it creates another problem. I'm always in a lose or lose situation. So what's the point? Should I care and try to get things right, or do I just leave all the shit behind and see where it takes me? Each and everyday, I wake up thinking the same thing, I sleep thinking the same thing, the same damn thing is always there. If only I could do magic. I would fix everything, maybe go back in time... To think that I didn't like my life in 7th grade?! Wow, I must have been stupid. But now that I've gone through all of it. I know, and I'm learning. I just hope that I don't have to go through things too many times to be able to learn. Anyways.. unfortunately, I can't do magic. I don't want to wimp out and hide my face is shame. But if i go out there, it leads me to worse situations. I spend hours and hours, day and night, weeks, months, years, trying to figure myself out. Yet I'm still at rock bottom. The many flaws in me add up and I end up absolutely no where. I don't want to be no where. :[ I want to be successful. I want to have a goal to reach. I want to have a plan to work through. I want to be able to keep all my promises. I remember back when school was for hanging out with friends; when boys had cooties; when tag was the funnest game there was; when laughter was a daily thing; when parents were there to punish and control; when growing up and being a big kid was everyone's goal; when there were no worries about the future; and when a best friend was all that was needed. What happened to all of that? It can't just all disappear?! Nowadays, every little thing counts. Even if it's just saying a simple, 'yes' or 'no'. I always thought that the only thing in life to grow up, get a nice career, and get a LIFE. Who knew there would be so many hard obstacles on the way? I could go on, and on, but I'm flippin tired now. Goodnight blog.
